Chapter  9:  Patterns

Resolution of Suffering

Reactive patterns start to emerge when you feel off – dissatisfied, agitated, sad, guilty, shameful or angry. You might just wake up that way or some person or situation might trigger a negative outwardly focused reaction from you or negative feeling within you. Patterns also start to emerge when you want to distract yourself from a feeling. You really don’t want to feel it, look deeply at it or allow it so you distract yourself. These off feelings, negative reactions and distractions are the call of your suffering. These are the indicators, the signposts that you have unresolved fear within you and that you now have the opportunity to resolve it. These signposts are your suffering rearing its head. Resolution starts by recognizing you are feeling off or recognizing you are being triggered into a negative reaction.

When a pattern is inwardly expressed it will show up as habitual inner dissatisfaction, agitation, sadness, guilt, shame or inner anger. When the pattern is outwardly expressed it will often show up as distraction or triggered reaction. Distraction includes over indulgence in eating, smoking, drinking, gambling, sex, TV and social media. Extreme distraction includes addiction. Triggers often express as outward patterns of anger or rage, running away from situations or relationships, and habitual reactive acts. This is all caused by the activation of your suffering. This is your signpost, your green light to resolution.

The beginning of resolution is awareness; seeing deeply. Seeing deeply can begin when you recognize when you feel bad or are reacting, being triggered and being set off. Recognize when you move into distraction in order to avoid feeling bad. Those are your entry points. They are signaling that there is something inside you to resolve. This is the announcement telling you this is the opportunity to begin resolution. Watch how your unconscious patterns play out through outward and inward actions. You feel bad or are triggered and you act out through a biting reaction, a harmful distraction like drugs, drink, sex, gambling, anger or a compulsion or addiction. Or your pattern plays out as an inner reaction such as inner anger, withdrawal, sadness, frustration, self-depreciation and worthlessness, judgments, criticisms and dislikes, or shame and guilt.

Resolution is not about analyzing, fixing or changing. Resolution is about turning toward this pattern, seeing deeply and holding it in compassionate awareness. It is expanding awareness of what’s inside of you and holding what’s inside in acceptance and immense, compassionate love. When a dissonant reactive pattern is held this way it loses its power.

This approach ends resistance and replaces it with love and acceptance. Maybe you have been triggered into anger or have not wanted to feel your fear so you distract yourself by drinking. It is not ‘You’ that needs fixing or changing or analyzing. Resolution happens when you shine loving, non-judgmental acceptance and compassion upon yourself and your agreement to react to your pain by a process that creates suffering.

Back to Chapter 8 - Beliefs
Next: Chapter 10- Resolution